Sometimes, it truly does hurt.
To know, that when you look up, you realize the true nature of the place you're in and the people you surround yourself with.
As I stare up into the endless abyss, I cry out to something that isn't there.
Why do I long to so many things that lie so far out of my reach?
When thinking about it, a list of such things is tough to make, as I don't even know what these things are.
There's just this burning desire for something.
I just can't tell what.
As Simon Bolivar once cried out: "How will I ever get out of this labyrinth?!"
Just as Simon, I sometimes also wonder the same thing.
Why do I do the things I do?
Maybe I am just looking for what some people refer to as the "Great Perhaps". My Great Perhaps. My escape from this twisted reality that I got caught up in. Or the reality that my environment is slowly twisting for me.
I am just too naive to witness it, or it's progressing so slow that I don't even see the difference.
Every day, more puzzle pieces float to the surface.
More pieces of a truth coming together, my brain connecting the dots.
But with this phenomenon of puzzle pieces coming up from the deep blue sea, other puzzles are destroyed.
Theories, ideas, or mere fantasies getting ripped apart as
I dwell deeper and deeper into this labyrinth I seem to be stuck in, still looking for these things I long to so bad.
Maybe I am destined to fail.
Maybe this is all meant to happen, a series of events tied together by my subconscious, breaking me further and further.
And yet, even I can confidently say this is definitely not the case, the lurking feeling of it being true after all grows ever more strong.
It somehow continues to amplify exponentially.
It just all feels like these are my mistakes.
I was the one who messed up, even though I said I'd be careful.
I was the one who was inattentive for my surroundings, even though always telling I would stay awake for whatever happens around me.
I was the one who lost the battle I had sworn never to lose.
And yet, I made all these mistakes.
Yet I was inattentive and missed opportunities I could've seized to fix what I had broken.
Yet I lost this battle of mine.
I am lost and I don't know what to do.
The spiral grows ever deeper, it goes further and further down. It seems to have no end.
This raises a question. Is there even an end?
Or am I going to be in this perpetual state of flowing down and down forever and ever?
I suppose we'll find out.